Knocking Out Depression in Tanzania

-Mick Zelski, RPCV, 2007-09

In my final year of college, as graduation finally looked like it might be a reality for me, I naturally had to face the looming question of what I was going to do next. What kinds of opportunities were out there for an anthropology major who had experience working on a organic farm? One day while walking through the student union, I noticed a table staffed by a lone woman with information about Peace Corps. Instantly curious, I approached the table and spoke to her. She told me that she was holding an informational session later in the week if I was interested. I certainly was, and thus began the journey that would ultimately lead me to an even bigger journey, one as rewarding as it was challenging. But my first, challenge happened even before I became a volunteer: I had to convince Peace Corps to take me on despite a personal history of depression.

As anyone who has gone through the Peace Corps application process knows, the medical clearance portion of the procedure is notoriously thorough. Having nothing to hide, I disclosed my past and present medical issues, including a diagnosis of depression that I received as a teenager. It was something I had struggled with over the course of my adolescence, seeing doctors and therapists as well as trying a few medications in an attempt to manage my condition. Eventually, in the midst of my college years, I found a psychologist that helped me define my depression, as well as a medical doctor who zeroed in on the root cause. I was prescribed medication that was very effective and things finally started to look up for me. This information was included in my completed medical forms, along with the requisite letter from my therapist and doctor’s signature stating that I was healthy and that they stood behind my decision to apply for Peace Corps service. I thought that would be enough, but it wasn’t.

Soon after I sent in the forms, PC contacted me to let me know they had received them and that a review was in progress. I had been nominated for a position in Africa that was to begin in June of that year; all I needed was medical clearance, then I could get that coveted invitation to serve. Then one day in late March, I received a phone call from an OMS staff member to ask me a few questions. The concern was about my depression and, specifically, what kind of coping strategies I planned to use as a volunteer regarding this issue.

The question caught me off guard. In my mind I had all but conquered my condition and was ready to face the world. When answering the question, I fumbled. I didn’t have any clue how I would react to living in the conditions that PCVs face and came up with nothing. It was suggested to me that I contact local RPCVs as well as attend another informational meeting in my area so that I could ask former volunteers what they did to cope during the hard times. Fearful that I would not get clearance in time for the Africa assignment, I asked if taking more time would ruin my chances. Her rather abrupt response was that assignments are not official until an invitation is sent out, so my spot was not secure to begin with. Annoyed, I thought to myself: Who better to put in a potentially depressing situation than someone who has dealt with depression for years? But she had a point. It is only in the best interest of Peace Corps that they send people who are healthy and will be able to handle a two year assignment in difficult and unfamiliar conditions.

Taking her advice, I asked RPCVs about their experiences and how they got through the rough patches. Unfortunately, I wasn’t told any specific coping strategies. However, what I did get from these conversations was the unerring sense that Peace Corps was perfect for me. Three weeks after the initial phone call, I called PC again to relay what I had learned. In this conversation, I simply laid out how I felt: I still didn’t know how I would react to being on my own in a Third World country, and couldn’t possibly know what to expect once I got there, but that I understood myself enough to be able to handle what comes my way and not let depression affect my service. Furthermore, my desire to be a volunteer had only been strengthened and it meant more to me now than ever. I thought I came off as desperate, but it worked. I was told that it sounded like I really was ready to be a volunteer and that my paperwork would be moved on to the next step, which was giving me an assignment. A week later, I got my invitation to serve, and in June of 2007 I flew to Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, to begin my service as a PCV.

Once I was there, I began to fully understand why depression would be an issue. Living in a Third World country can bring you down quickly, or wear on you over time. Being without familiar foods, missing friends and family, struggling with a new language, and isolation all can contribute to feelings of depression. So can hearing the sound of a dog being mistreated, staring extreme poverty in the face, and losing a friend to AIDS-related illness. Additionally, I entered at a very tumultuous time in PC/Tanzania history. Over the course of my service, I estimate 80-90% of the staff that was present when I arrived had left for various reasons, including the Country Director. On top of all this I am gay, which presents an entirely different set of challenges. Having googled “homosexuality in Tanzania” before I left, I found out that it is illegal and carries a heavy prison sentence, up to life in some cases. While I was not surprised to learn this, I began to accept the fact that I would be living in a culture that considers homosexuality immoral and illegal, and not the openly gay lifestyle I was accustomed to. In fact, the lowest time I experienced during my service was due to this very issue.

It just so happened that I was placed in the same region as another gay volunteer. A third year extender, I saw this volunteer as exemplary in almost every way. His language skills were amazing, he was working on multiple projects, and he was about as integrated into his village as one could be. In addition to his stellar work, he was very social. This included having sexual relations with Tanzanian men. Never bringing this to his village, he thought he was being discrete enough. Then without warning people stopped showing up for meetings, projects he worked on were neglected, and things disappeared from his house. Eventually he brought this to the attention of the village officials, who informed him that someone from his village found out about his activities and was spreading the word. Despite more than two years of productive service, his good work and respect for the community did not matter. His village friends could barely look at him, let alone speak to him. He was shunned. Under these circumstances, there was no way he could remain in the village and he was forced to return to the States. The silver lining is that there were people that told him they did not care and that they did not want him to go, but his story is a telling example of how many Tanzanians view homosexuals.

After this incident, which occurred less than a year into my service, I began to change how I felt about being there and my interactions with people from my village. I could not help but think that the friends I had just made and the people I was now beginning to work with would treat me the same if they ever found out about me. Having them in my house was difficult. To bring myself to visit their houses was even more difficult. The fact that I could never be openly gay to a Tanzanian became strikingly clear to me, and my reaction was to withdraw. For about a month, I experienced the lowest time in all of my service. Yet even during this period, seriously weighing leaving against staying in my mind, I found the strength to pull through and remain in Tanzania. There were a few reasons why I was able to stay, even though the temptation to walk away was quite strong at times.

One of the biggest reasons I stayed was the friends I made, both Tanzanian and through Peace Corps. A particular friend in the village stands out among the crowd. He was a joy to be around from the moment I met him and became my best friend. I could be in the worst mood, but after leaving his company my good energy would be restored. As for as PC friends, I simply cannot say enough. They become your extended family almost instantly. We were all in the same boat so I could always look to other volunteers for acceptance and understanding. With them I could be myself completely while otherwise occupying a world in which I had to keep a part of myself hidden. Additionally, I became a member of the Peer Support and Diversity Network (PSDN), a volunteer-run group that provides confidential peer support and promotes diversity within the PC community, which provided another outlet for me to express myself as well as be appreciated.

At the end of the day though, I had to look inside myself and decide if being there was what I really wanted. I had a strong sense of responsibility and commitment to seeing my service through to the end, and the longer I stayed the more commitments I made to the community I was serving. The thought of leaving without completing my projects would have weighed heavily on me had I left. In one of the conversations I had with RPCVs before I left America, one said something that helped get me through and stays with me to this day. As she was gushing over her memories as a PCV, she mentioned how envious she was of me that I was on the verge of going and she wished that she could go back and do it all again. The thought that I could one day look back so fondly on my service helped me to see beyond what I was feeling in the moment and focus on what I was there to do.

Throughout my service I dealt with depression more than I could have ever expected. I understand why it is a concern, and potential volunteers should realize how much it can and will affect them on a daily basis. Those of us with depression in our past have a higher risk of lapsing into a funk that can make us ineffective as a volunteer. However, a history of depression does not need to be a reason to be excluded from being a Peace Corps Volunteer. We also have the skills and ability to deal with the issue because of our past experiences. Tapping into that self knowledge and staying true to the ideals that made me want to be a PCV in the first place was the key to my success as a volunteer. When all was said and done, I stayed in Tanzania a total of 28 months. Now, as an RPCV, I can look back fondly on my service and be envious of those who are about to embark on their own journey of a lifetime.

Mick Zelski can be contacted at mickzelski@gmail.com.

A Perspective from a Peace Corps Veteran

– An Interview with Josh Strauss, RPCV Ukraine

Josh Strauss recently left the Peace Corps Recruitment Coordinator job in Boston. Before that he was a recruiter in Boston (2006-2008) and in the New York office (2005-2006) he was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Ukraine. With all his experience as a gay person active in different parts of the Peace Corps for so many years, we’ve asked him some questions about these experiences and his advice on how LGBT people can be successful Peace Corps applicants, nominees, trainees and volunteers.

LGBT RPCVs:

What motivated you to apply for Peace Corps in the first place?

Josh Strauss:

I am actually a product of Peace Corps. My parents were PCVs in Colombia, and were medically separated once my mother had some complications in her pregnancy with me. While growing up, my parents exposed my sisters and me to different cultures by hosting over 10 exchange students, most a year at a time, and also encouraged us to do volunteer work. I did some international volunteer work for a few summers in Latin America with a development organization called Amigos de las Americas while in high school. I continued volunteering during study abroad with the Spanish Red Cross and the Spanish Commission on Refugee Aid in the mid-90s. Peace Corps seemed like a logical continuation of my life experiences and the path I saw myself on.

LGBT RPCVs:

What were some of your initial concerns as a gay volunteer when you started your training in Ukraine?

JS:

I did some research before I arrived at staging, so I knew beforehand that Ukraine wasn’t the friendliest country toward the GLBT community. That, though, was secondary to the initial concerns I think most, if not all, PCVs have like, Will I get sick? Will I be able to learn the language? Will I be able to do the 2+ years? What have I gotten myself into?!?

Peace Corps/Ukraine had incorporated into its cultural training being “different” in Ukraine, i.e. gay, not white, vegetarian, among other topics. This conversation started very early on in the three months of training, and it gave me and the other gay PCVs an opportunity to listen, learn, and to ask questions which put me at ease.

LGBT RPCVs:

Tell us about the support you got from other volunteers and Peace Corps staff.

JS:

Apart from the support in training that I have already mentioned, there was a GLBT Group which formed while I was in Ukraine. It was organized by Peace Corps itself initially, and then handed over to PCVs shortly thereafter.  The meetings were official Peace Corps travel, so it did not count toward our vacation days. Since most of us were completely in the closet at our sites, this group was an opportunity to talk with our gay peers and to be ourselves in a way that was not easy, or in most cases possible, at our sites.

I was in the closet at my site, but I was out Peace Corps staff and to my fellow PCVs, who were overwhelmingly supportive.

LGBT RPCVs:

What was it like going back in the closet when you started your assignment?

JS:

This was something I prepared for. I did some investigation on the LGBRPCV site before I applied to Peace Corps and also did online research to get an idea of what I may be getting myself into. I spoke with my recruiter about the fact that I was gay, and she told me that the odds were very high that I would have to go back into the closet. For me, Peace Corps service was the most important thing so I was willing to enter the closet again. Most PCVs have to modify who they are and how they act while in country. There are places where I have traveled in the US where I had to modify my behavior and not be open, and the same goes for the Peace Corps world.
When I was invited to Ukraine, I did more country specific investigation and learned that although being gay was no longer a crime in this Former Soviet Socialist Republic, it was still not going to be possible to be openly gay as I had been in the US. In Ukraine, the word for “faggot” and “child molester” were one in the same so as a high school teacher, I knew I had to go back into the closet. It was difficult, but I had the support of my training group, the GLBT group, and Peace Corps staff which made it much easier than it would have been otherwise.

LGBT RPCVs:

What was the general climate for LGBT people in Ukraine?

JS:

It depended on where you were. It was easier to be gay in the larger cities, which had some bars that served gay clientele on some nights during the week. There were also a number of underground gay groups which I started to discover as I was getting ready to end my almost three years of service.  I met a few gay Ukrainians this way, but not many. There was one gay oriented publication in Ukraine, Odin iz nas, which came out from time to time during my service, but it was hard to find.

I found it interesting that being gay seemed to be tolerated in the musical artist world with flamboyant men and butch women. Within the last few years, in fact, Ukraine’s entrant to the annual Eurovision contest was a drag queen.  In day-to-day life, though, the tolerance was less.

LGBT RPCVs:

What were some of the important things you learned as a gay Peace Corps Volunteer?

JS:

That all one gains from the Peace Corps experience more than makes up for the necessity I had, and many other gay PCVs have had, of going back into the closet. Most, if not all, Volunteers have to modify behavior, the information they share, and adapt to the culture they are in. Some PCVs do it based on their religious beliefs, others on their own culture, others on sexuality, etc. In other words, it’s not just the gay Volunteers which have to make sacrifices in order to integrate into the culture so as to be a better Volunteer. Since many GLBT Americans have been in the closet, in whole or in part, at some point in our lives, this modification of behavior actually seemed to come more easily to me and to the other GLBT PCVs I knew in Ukraine and elsewhere than it did to our straight counterparts who also had to modify. Who knew it would be an asset!

LGBT RPCVs:

What did you do right after you left Ukraine?

JS:

I began graduate school shortly after I completed service. I attended the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University. When I matriculated, I was told by the head of admissions that I submitted a very memorable application. I applied while I was in Ukraine. They preferred an online application, but the Internet cafes in my city often had connectivity issues so I requested a paper one. Since all typewriters I had access to were in Cyrillic, I had to handwrite my application instead of type it, and when I went to the post office to mail it in, they had run out of large denomination stamps so I had about 35 giant sunflower stamps on the envelope. Sometimes, being memorable is a good thing!

LGBT RPCVs:

What got you interested in the Peace Corps Recruiting job after you left graduate school?

JS:

Peace Corps has been a large part of my life, as I mentioned before. I gained so much from my almost 3 years as a PCV, that I really wanted to give back to the Agency, to get as many qualified people to apply and into the field as I could, and to share my experience with others.  The Peace Corps Recruitment position seemed like the best way to do it.

LGBT RPCVs:

Did you interview many LGBT applicants? What sort of questions did they ask?

JS:

I interviewed a few, yes, but I also spoke with a number of other recruiters’ applicants and with prospective applicants as well.  Most of the questions LGBT applicants are the same that most any other applicants would have. For example, almost everyone asked about my experience, what an average day was like, how I had to modify in order to integrate, how Peace Corps helps keep you safe and healthy, how the application process worked, how the medical process worked, how program selection was made, and how long it would take. Many of the gay and lesbian applicants, or potential applicants, I spoke with had similar questions, just with more of a GLBT focus. For example, I was often asked if I had to go back into the closet, if it was safe to be gay in Peace Corps, and if being gay or lesbian influenced placement.

I was also asked how supportive Peace Corps was of GLBT volunteers. I explained that the Agency itself is very supportive, as are most fellow Volunteers and Peace Corps staff. Peace Corps has a very strong anti-discrimination policy that includes sexual orientation. In the US, not everyone accepts “the gay lifestyle,” and the same goes with the Peace Corps world. However, staff members are expected to be professional and to follow this anti-discrimination policy to the letter. If there is an issue, there are ways Volunteers and staff can formally report the issue and resolve it.

LGBT RPCVs:

What sort of advice are you able to give LGBT Peace Corps applicants?

JS:

I would like to encourage them to be open about their sexuality throughout the application process. There are great support and information systems in place which recruitment, medical, and placement staff can provide. But this same staff can only provide them if they are aware. If someone does not want to be this open, that is his/her prerogative and of course I respect that.

I would also give the same advice I give to all Peace Corps applicants. Keep your expectations realistic, keep your mind open, and keep your enthusiasm high. The application process, like Peace Corps itself, can be challenging, have periods of inactivity, and times where you won’t understand everything that is going on. Be patient and flexible, but also feel free to ask questions!

LGBT RPCVs:

Tell us about your move to the Recruiting Coordinator job in Boston? How is that different from a regular Recruiter?

JS:

Recruiters interview applicants, travel to different colleges and communities to give information sessions, and they nominate applicants into tentative assignments.  The Recruitment Coordinator serves as the Peace Corps headquarters liaison coordinating and evaluating the day-to-day recruitment process for the Regional Recruiting Office. I screened all new applications from the Boston Region (RI, MA, NH, VT, and ME) for basic eligibility and minimum qualifications. I assigned applicants to recruiters, provided guidance related to working with applicants and planning recruitment sessions, and reviewed and approved all nominations recruiters made. I also worked on overall recruitment strategies and procedures. Finally, I coordinated all initial and on-going training for new recruiters in relation to recruitment planning, processes, and methodologies.

LGBT RPCVs:

You were involved in a number of informational and recruiting events that targeted the LGBT community (Gay Pride Festivals). How successful do you think they were from both a recruiting and public relations perspective?

JS:

I participated in recruitment events at Pride in New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Rhode Island over the last 5 years. People were often surprised to see us, but also very happy to see us. Many commented that they did not think Peace Corps would be a good idea for them because they were GLBT, so I and other GLB RPCVs let those who stopped by know it was definitely an option. Peace Corps is working very hard on increasing the diversity of its Volunteers and staff members, and we have received applications from people who spoke with us at Pride events, which is great! Race and age are relatively easy to track, but we do not track the numbers of GLBT applicants/Volunteers because we don’t ask anyone his/her sexual orientation on an application as we do race and age. We have seen an increasing number of gay and lesbian applicants come through our office in the last 5 years because they say they are gay in essays or in interviews, and that visible number is something we are very proud of!

LGBT RPCVs:

In certain parts of the Peace Corps world homophobia and anti-gay discrimination have increased (particularly in Africa, the Caribbean and Eastern Europe). What advice and words of caution can you give LGBT volunteers posted to such countries?

JS:

Once again, I would recommend being open in the application process so Peace Corps can give you as much information as possible before you decide to accept an invitation or not. Pay attention during your training and ask lots of questions. Gay Volunteers have served, and continue to serve, in every Peace Corps country in the world—which is 77 right now.

LGBT RPCVs:

In the last few years Peace Corps has been more open to placing transgender volunteers and HIV positive volunteers who are healthy. Peace Corps is now preparing to place same sex couples? What additional challenges do these volunteers face?

JS:

The biggest challenge is probably the “guinea pig” status of these Volunteers. Peace Corps does do a really good job at trying to think through changes and processes so that there are no bumps in the road. In fact, some would say that the Agency is overly cautious much of the time.  Of course, it’s impossible to plan for every contingency, so until the there is some experience with these new scenarios, there may be a lot of unanswered questions and some confusion. These pioneers in Peace Corps will need to be especially open-minded, flexible, patient, and willing to work with Peace Corps to find solutions and to make the experience better for similar applicants/Volunteers down the road.

LGBT RPCVs:

After almost 8 years in Peace Corps as a volunteer and then recruiting staff, what do you now know that you didn’t before starting your Peace Corps life?

JS:

While going through the application process and serving as a PCV, I thought I had a general idea of how things worked, why I ended up in Ukraine, and why Ukraine ended up with me. I have learned that there is a great deal of effort that goes into every step of the process, i.e. recruitment planning, application screening, interviewing, nominating, medical screening, placement screening, staging planning, passports, visas, site development, pre-service training, swearing in ceremony, in service training, and so on. Each of these steps has numerous people working behind the scenes that most applicants/PCVs/RPCVs never even know exist. It’s an extremely complicated operation…which is part of the reason everything seems to take so long.

LGBT RPCVs:

Do you have any advice to current or recent volunteers who might be interested in working for Peace Corps in some sort of staff capacity?

JS:

Most Peace Corps positions are posted for only two weeks and can be easily found by going to www.peacecorps.gov/jobs. Peace Corps has what’s called the Five Year Rule, which means that most positions in Peace Corps are limited to a maximum of five years, broken into two 2.5 year tours.  Because of this rule, positions are constantly opening. If you do apply, just make sure you show very clearly how you meet all the mandatory requirements and also clearly show the preferred requirements you also meet. Peace Corps is a great springboard into a career in the federal government, too, with many Peace Corps staff moving to other agencies. The application process for most paid positions with the Peace Corps can take a while, meaning months not weeks, from application to start date. The long process is due to the high number of applications most job announcements garner and the security background checks which must be run and passed if someone is selected for the position before the person can begin work. I would recommend applying to jobs if you are interested in working for the Agency and if you qualify for the position. Overall, it is a great place to work!

Josh Strauss left Peace Corps in May 2010. He can be contacted at jgstrauss@gmail.com

Training Peace Corps Medical Officers (PCMOs) on LGBT Peace Corps Volunteer Issues

- an interview with Kathleen Jordan MSN, Pre-Service Manager, Office of Medical Services

Last spring we were contacted by Kathleen Jordan from Peace Corps’ Office of Medical Services (OMS). She was looking for resources to help her develop and deliver a component for this year’s (2009) Peace Corps Medical Officer (PCMO) Continuing Medical Education (CME) that would provide information and resources to PCMOs about meeting the medical and emotional needs of LGBT PCVs. We provided her with contacts of current and recent LGBT Volunteers. We also developed and distributed an internet-based survey over our listserv. The survey was answered by 45 current PCVs and mostly recent RPCVs who serve or served in countries around the world. We sent the results to Kathleen.

LGBT RPCVs:
What prompted your project to develop a component in the 2009 CME addressing the medical and emotional needs of LGBT Volunteers?

Kathleen Jordan:
Several PCMOs indicated that they would welcome training in this area. Peace Corps’ Office of Medical Services always aims to provide training to PCMOs that will assist them in effectively caring for all Peace Corps volunteers and addressing volunteers’ specific needs.

LGBT RPCVs:
Where and when were these training sessions held this year? How many PCMOs attended?

K. J.
Two were held this year: one in Washington DC in July and one in September in Thailand. All Peace Corps PCMOs worldwide attended these sessions.

LGBT RPCVs:
What did you learn from LGBT PCVs and RPCVs that helped you develop your training?

K.J.
We learned that peer-to-peer networks specific to LGBT Volunteers were very helpful and that it is important for LGBT Volunteers to have individuals within the agency to whom they can comfortably discuss the unique challenges they face in service. Returned Volunteers and currently-serving Volunteers can play a key role in this support.

LGBT RPCVs:
Were you able to include any current LGBT PCVs or RPCVs in the training sessions?

K.J.
Yes. Two LGBT RPCV staff attended the CME in Washington and 4 currently-serving LGBT PCVs attended the CME in Thailand. The participants were able to answer questions and facilitate small group work. The PCMOs greatly appreciated their participation and interaction.

LGBT RPCVs:
What kinds of questions did you get from PCMOs during the training?

K.J.
The majority of the questions revolved around how PCMOs could best meet the specific needs of LGBT Volunteers and the most appropriate ways to provide appropriate emotional support.

LGBT RPCVs:
Did the subject of establishing LGBT PCV support groups in countries of service come up? Tell us something about these discussions.

K.J.
Yes – During small group work, PCMO’s from various countries shared their thoughts about the best ways to provide support to LGBT PCVs. One option discussed was to utilize peer-to-peer networks to provide an accessible PCV support system. Another option discussed was to ensure that all Trainees were provided adequate private time to meet and speak with staff members about any confidential concerns and circumstances.

LGBT RPCVs:
Homosexuality is seen differently in countries around the world where Peace Corps serves. Some countries like Thailand, South Africa and some Latin American countries are more accepting and protect the rights of LGBT people. In other countries, particularly in Africa, homosexual acts are criminal offenses and homophobia is strong. What sort of discussions came up about these issues?

K.J.
Our discussions focused on how best to keep PCVs and Trainees safe. The PCMOs appreciated having a chance to openly talk about the specific circumstances in their countries and that the fact that they represent an important link between HQ in Washington, DC, the Volunteer and the new community in which the Volunteer will live. The PCMOs appreciated the opportunity to discuss the circumstances unique to their individual countries and best practices for effective LGBT PCV support.

LGBT RPCVs:
What sort of response did you get from the PCMOs after the training?

K.J.
They were very appreciative and they rated the session very highly.

LGBT RPCVs:
What are the plans to continue this training and maybe add to it?

K.J.
We hope to include it in the Medical Officer Staff Training that newly-hired PCMOs receive each year and are considering other ways to include it in the future.

Managing a Long Distance Peace Corps Relationship

- PCV, Ecuador

Editor’s Note: This is a slightly edited version of a response to a recent question that showed up on our listserv. A Peace Corps nominee had been in a relationship and was wondering whether she should hold on to it while in the Peace Corps or give it the old heave ho. She asked for some perspective and advice. I found a response from a current volunteer in Ecuador particularly thoughtful. Questions about managing or relinquishing relationships while an LGBT volunteer is abroad comes up fairly frequently. We’re publishing this as a newsletter item and will keep it on our web site for future reference for our sisters and brothers facing this situation.

I am about 8 months into my service and so about a year ago I was in basically the same situation. My boyfriend and I opted to stay together.  We have our reasons for that, but let me tell you it was scary as hell at the time. As another listserv poster said, communication is key. In my case, my boyfriend knew I was already deep into the Peace Corps application process at the time we started our relationship. It was perhaps a little more than foolish to start a relationship in those conditions. However, it helped that I was very straightforward about my imminent departure for Latin America (turned out to be Ecuador.) We had a few conversations about it and both understood that it was a risky thing, but that we wanted to give it a try. I think it helps to be a very realistic about the whole thing. Going away to another country to live does not necessarily mean a “goodbye forever,” however it will have an impact on you both whether you break up or not. It may even have unforeseen benefits. One of them is that such a relationship forces you to develop other aspects of your relationship which may not have been discovered, much less developed during the time together. I feel like being a PCV in a long distance relationship (and I’m by far not the only one in my omnibus) has helped me get to know my boyfriend and me in ways that other circumstances probably wouldn’t have allowed.

I don’t have anything to say with respect to whether you break up or not. It seems to me that you have decided tentatively to break up together, though you personally may be unsure. I’ll share some ideas that may or may not be helpful whichever way you go.

If you do decide to break up, I think it would be helpful to talk about the details of “when” and “how” together just as you seem to have negotiated the “what” (i.e. to eventually break up.)

If you do end up trying to “see how it goes,” don’t listen to what others tell you unless you find it useful. This goes for what I’m writing right now too. I wrote to the LGBT listserv before departing for Ecuador for advice about long distance relationships and received a very condescending “you are an idiot” kind of email from one member. If you and your partner have talked about it and agreed upon it, don’t let people from outside change that decision for you.

At any rate, here are some ideas about long distance relationships (they don’t necessarily have to be romantic relationships) that I would have liked to have received last year. They have been helpful for me and my boyfriend, though obviously every relationship is different. As I said, take it if you find it useful. (Just an FYI, I am still with my boyfriend and I’m going to visit him in June 2009!)

  1. Set up a designated day and hour to talk and/or write. Latin America generally has easy-to-find internet and cheap international calling, but this could vary in other parts of the world. This helps to establish a sense of stability in the relationship.
  2. Don’t talk or write all the time. Both partners need to live their lives where they are too. This happened to a fellow PCV who eventually broke up with her girlfriend in the US because she felt smothered.
  3. Get a support network. That is, find friends with whom you can be open, whether PCVs or local friends you can trust. It helps a lot to be able to share your struggles and rewards with good friends. I have found it especially supportive to talk to other PCVs who are in long distance relationships, particularly during pre-service training. There are inevitably fights in long distance relationships and so having that support network helps to weather them. Also, being a gay foreigner in most Peace Corps countries isn’t always that great, as you can probably imagine.
  4. Be sure to share all the boring and fascinating details of your life abroad but don’t be surprised if the other doesn’t write back much. You probably already know the kinds of things that are going on “back home.” On the other hand, the other likely has no idea what your life is like overseas. Perhaps that’s why they say it’s always harder for the one that stays behind. Informing about all those details (without being asked to) helps to fill in those blanks to keep the relationship going in the present. You don’t want to spend all of your time reminiscing.
  5. Do little things to let the other know you love him/her. Postcards, emails, text messages, gifts, etc…
  6. Try to visit or have the other visit you if possible.
  7. Have something that only you two do together when you talk. My boyfriend and I speak in Spanish pretty much exclusively and we have lots of inside jokes. Those little things help.
  8. Talk about dreams and the future, but not too seriously. This also keeps from getting stuck in nostalgia.
  9. Be prepared to be sad and lonely. That goes without saying, really. However, it does help to remind yourself that other PCVs are going through similar kinds of things, though not always with a significant other. Surprisingly, you do get used to the physical absence after a while, though it’s no walk in the park.
  10. Above all, be a good volunteer and take care of yourself. If you’re happy, those you talk with will also be happy. For me, this has meant not working all the time and trying to foster relationships with HCNs (host country nationals).

New GLBT PCV Support Group in Albania

A new GLBT Committee for Peace Corps Volunteers in Albania was formed at the end of 2007. Several key steps occurred to begin the new committee. The first step was to have GLBT volunteers serving in Albania identify one another. This process was basically an informal one that occurred over time. The next step was when some of these GLBT volunteers in Albania identified the need and benefit of having a GLBT Committee. At the same time we were very fortunate that the Programming and Training Officer at Peace Corps Albania expressed strong support in forming such a group during individual meetings with some of the GLBT volunteers. As a result, these GLBT volunteers did some research online regarding what other Peace Corps countries were doing to address the unique issues encountered by GLBT volunteers. This research tended to focus on utilizing the resources from this website. The next step was to meet with the Country Director to obtain his support for the new committee.

The Country Director then sent an e-mail communication to all the volunteers in Albania inviting GLBT volunteers to join the committee. One of the most critical aspects of forming the new GLBT Committee was to ensure the confidentiality of its members due to the risks for committee members if individuals in their communities learned of their sexual orientation. As a result, the committee has used a code word for the committee’s name for administrative purposes when working with the Peace Corps Albania staff (such as Volunteer Support Committee). A GLBT Committee e-mail address was also established for volunteers interested in joining the committee to easily facilitate volunteers joining the new committee while maintaining confidentiality.

The committee’s first meeting in October, 2007 focused on agreeing upon the chairperson and the first year objectives for the committee. Here is a summary of the objectives:

  • Provide peer support for existing GLBT volunteers
  • Provide advice for new volunteers about realities in Albania and identify coping strategies
  • Work with Peace Corps staff to provide diversity training for Peace Corps staff and volunteers on GLBT issues
  • Do outreach with GLBT organizations in Albania

Although the GLBT Committee in Albania was formed only six months ago, the team has already been very successful. The GLBT Committee has met each quarter to support one another. Just getting together periodically to share the challenges that we face has been very beneficial to each one of the committee members. The committee has also provided written advice for new GLBT volunteers coming to Albania. But the biggest accomplishment of the committee so far has been related to diversity training. The GLBT Committee collaborated with another American (living in Albania with extensive experience working at a university GLBT Center in the US) to develop recommendations to the Peace Corps Albania staff for the diversity training. All of our recommendations to include the voice of GLBT volunteers in Albania into the diversity training for the first time were incorporated. The most significant aspect of the new diversity training was having one of the committee members “come out” to the staff and new volunteers and share her story of what it is like to be a GLBT volunteer. The feedback from this new diversity training was very positive. In addition, some of the committee members work with GLBT organizations in Albania on secondary projects and have met with other GLBT organizations to identify opportunities to collaborate with the GLBT Committee. One of the committee members is even a Finance Officer for a new GLBT organization in Albania working with HIV prevention and human rights.

Since most of the committee members will be completing their two years of Peace Corps service in the near future, the next step for those remaining on the committee will be recruiting other GLBT volunteers in Albania to join the committee. These new members will be critical to maintaining the momentum of the new committee.

The author can be contacted for additional information about the Albania group at lgbrpcv-news@lgbrpcv.org

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